Lord of the Rings: Famous Quotes

Debating the wit and wisdom of some of Tolkien's most famous passages

Jude: Today we’re going to look at some quotes from Lord of the Rings. There are many great lines in the book that are pretty well known, not least because Peter Jackson did a good job working many of them into his movies. We’ll be sticking with quotes that go back to the original books, however, and seeing what we can learn from them about Tolkien’s writing, wit, and wisdom.

Thomas: There are enough interesting quotes in Lord of the Rings we could probably have a blog with nothing but posts about them, but we took these from Goodreads, which sorts them by the number of likes, so this sample is very scientific, though we’re not going in order. So let’s get started.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Thomas: As someone who likes more than half of books half as well as they deserve, I think this is a wonderful place to start. Does being a linguist train you to write sentences like…whatever this is? If so, it’s an underrated discipline. Then again Tolkien is not really a wordplay guy and part of the weight of this, especially on re-reading, is that it kind of comes out of nowhere.

Jude: Not nowhere, I think it’s in line with the arch, satiric tone of the early hobbit material. I think Tolkien was actually quite good at that sort of writing, but his interests were such that he rarely used it. But it’s worth noting this isn’t just a cool line, it’s a character moment: Bilbo is tired of being in the Shire and is both showing off his facility with words and playfully taunting the audience for not being erudite enough to understand him. Yet despite coming close to being a taunt, it’s also a fundamentally self-deprecating thing to say. He’s acknowledging he hasn’t connected with his neighbors the way he probably should have.

‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo.

‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’

Jude: Although this is dialogue, this is one of many quotes that are effective platitudes. This one is probably on a bunch of inspirational posters. But it has a bit more weight since we know the author writing it had to live through two world wars, fighting in one and sending two of his sons to fight in the other.

Thomas: It seems like Gandalf is agreeing with Frodo and also wishing he, Gandalf, didn’t have this happen in his time. But as Tolkien fanatics know, Gandalf is essentially an immortal angel who started pretending to be a human wizard explicitly to resist Sauron. So this is doubly untrue about him. First, because he’s immortal and older than the world, literally everything that happens is happening in “his time”. And second because if you interpret this as referring to his own incarnation, well, he didn’t have to do this! Unlike all of us, he actually chose to come into this fallen world from Tolkien’s version of heaven at precisely the time Sauron was menacing it.

Jude: I guess that’s right, but surely this is exactly the kind of nitpicking that keeps people of a critical bent from enjoying anything.

Thomas: Ah, but I wasn’t finished. If you read this even more closely you can see that what must be happening is that Gandalf is agreeing that he wishes this wasn’t happening…in Frodo’s time. Perhaps he’s just being nice and would have said this to anyone, but I like to think it’s a super-sneaky dig and Gandalf is saying: “You wish it wasn’t happening to you, and I wish that too…Bilbo would have been much better at this. Or maybe if Sauron could have waited just a little longer, one of Sam’s kids with Rosie could have handled this situation. They’re likely to be much better options.”

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

Jude: The part about gold is a really common saying now. I see it pretty frequently.

Thomas: Sorry, but Tolkien just slightly rephrased something that was already common. Shakespeare has it in Merchant of Venice: “All that glitters is not gold / Often you have heard that told.” So not only is it a cliché now, it was already a cliché in 1598. You can also see it in Chaucer (twice!) and even Aesop. Tolkien’s contribution here is the poetry. And that, I’m afraid, is not—

Jude: Now hang on, lots of people knock Tolkien’s poetry, but I think it’s quite underrated. When I first read Lord of the Rings I just skipped past it, but upon rereading I started reading them out loud. I won’t claim to be a poetry expert but there’s some really cool poems in there.

Thomas: “Hey dol! Merry dol! Ring a dong dillo!”

Jude: Uh, the Bombadil stuff maybe isn’t so great. But I think others are, most notably the Earendil poem Biblo recites with its really complicated but beautiful rhyming scheme. Until I read it to myself out loud I had no idea how cool it was: “Beneath the Moon and under star / he wandered far from northern strands, / bewildered on enchanted ways / beyond the days of mortal lands.”

Thomas: I’ll be diplomatic and say that the quality of Tolkien’s poetry varies much, much more than that of his prose. And he put a lot of poems in Lord of the Rings. Worst of all, to this day he makes authors think that fantasy books should have poetry in them and so they write it despite having never written, or even read, a poem outside of a classroom before. At least Tolkien read and enjoyed poetry!

‘Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli.

'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.”

Jude: Here Gimli and Elrond have an aphorism battle. Both of these aphorisms are really good, I think, and serve as a good example of a time when Tolkien elevates his style from everyday language and it works really well.

Thomas: Does this count as elevated style? It’s dialogue, not narration.

Jude: No one talks like this.

Thomas: No one talks like this now but in older cultures with relatively few books, educated people quoted from them all the time when speaking with each other. Maybe Gimli is quoting the dwarf equivalent of Tacitus and Elrond is responding with a quote from an elvish version.

Jude: Well, as far as I know Tolkien wasn’t quoting anyone, he just wrote these from scratch, and I think it shows off his skill with archaic style and even poetry. What makes Gimli’s line work really well is the subject/verb inversion that sets up the alliteration between “Faithless” and “farewell”. I don’t know the criteria Tolkien used to decide when to invert and start with the verb, but it’s noticeably more awkward in later writers so I think he was doing something right.

Thomas: I agree these two lines both pull off the archaic style, but you’re being too generous when you imply Tolkien was never awkward with it.

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.

Jude: This is said by Haldir, the Lothlorien border guard, and although I suspect most readers just zoom past, this is a very concise statement of Tolkien’s answer to the problem of evil. Why does a good God Iluvatar allow evil to exist? Tolkien posits that love “mingled with grief” is greater than it would be otherwise. Lord of the Rings doesn’t engage much with this idea but it is extremely important to The Silmarillion. It’s very appropriate for Haldir to be saying this since The Silmarillion is meant to be a compendium of Elvish legends (just as there’s a thin metatextual layer situating Lord of the Rings as “the red book of Westmarch”, a text originally written by Frodo and Sam themselves just as Bilbo supposedly wrote The Hobbit).

Thomas: While we’re here, it’s worth noting that Tolkien’s constant use of “fair” and “dark” as synonyms for “good” and “evil” has unpleasant connotations for some modern readers. I don’t think it’s, uh, fair to read conscious racism into things like this but at the very least it’s an example of linguistic drift starting to take its toll on an aging text.

Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

Thomas: But don’t cancel Tolkien just yet, because here he has Gandalf come out very stridently against the death penalty. Very progressive for 1954!

Jude: Politics aside, it seems like a generally wise thing to say? In Tolkien-influenced fantasy we encounter lots of characters who are supposed to be wise but I’d say relatively few authors manage to actually show them being wise instead of just saying so. I should also add this is one of several places that prefigure the role of mercy at the end of the story (Gandalf is even specifically talking about mercy to Gollum, here).

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Jude: Here’s another of Gandalf’s wise sayings.

Thomas: Uh, this one definitely sounds really profound…but it isn’t actually wise at all. What does this even mean? How should we put this great wisdom to use in our day-to-day lives?

Jude: You should…avoid breaking things, I guess? Tolkien lived during an era where “conservationists” would conserve African animals by shooting them and taking them to a taxidermist.

Thomas: Who do I talk to about getting some more context here? What is Gandalf even talking about? What did he say before this?

“I liked white better,” I said.

Thomas: Gandalf the White? More like Gandalf the White Supremacist.

Jude: Very funny. The full context is that Gandalf is narrating his confrontation with Saruman in first person.

I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours, and if he moved they shimmered and changed hue so that the eye was bewildered.

“I liked white better,” I said.

“White!” he sneered. “It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.”

“In which case it is no longer white,” said I. “And he that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.”

“You need not speak to me as to one of the fools that you take for friends,” said he.

Jude: With the full context, we see that Gandalf isn’t a racist, he just has good taste and isn’t down with the Vegas-like aesthetics of Saruman’s technicolor dreamcoat.

Thomas: We also see that Saruman is completely right! If you actually think about what he’s saying, Gandalf appears to be taking a strong ethical stand against…dyed clothing, writing on paper, and prisms. It sounds very wise, but it doesn’t make any sense even in context. Saruman never even said he was breaking light to find out what it is! Gandalf is talking nonsense here.

And before you say I’m being nitpicky and cynical, look at what follows! Gloriously, Saruman immediately calls Gandalf out on his bullshit.

Jude: I should have known you’d be pro-Saruman.

Thomas: I’m just calling it like I see it. Saruman goes on from here to give Gandalf a speech saying they need to join forces with Sauron since his victory is inevitable and that in doing so they can try to mitigate his evil and eventually control him. “There need not be, there would not be, any real change in our designs, only in our means.” It’s funny though to think that right here in the text, Gandalf’s means seem to be exposed as: give wise counsel when you have something wise to say, but failing that, say some nonsense that sounds profound, I guess to keep your reputation up. Basically, instead of Saruman’s authoritarianism, he chooses the path of the self-help guru.

Jude: If those are the only two choices, Gandalf still seems like right choice to me.

It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not. It is wisdom to recognize necessity, when all other courses have been weighed, though as folly it may appear to those who cling to false hope.

Jude: More Gandalf wisdom, this time at the Council of Elrond, referring to the plan to take the One Ring into Mordor. The first sentence could serve as a thesis for Lord of the Rings. And, I suppose, it’s also a criticism of consequentialism.

Thomas: This seems like a conscious echo of a famous line by Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Gandalf’s version is more than a little dubious. Since even the wise cannot see all ends, how are you weighing these other courses? Specifically, they say there’s at least a slim chance of destroying the ring by walking with it into Sauron’s front yard, but how are they so sure there’s no chance of safely wielding the ring against Sauron?

Even if there’s, like, a ninety-nine percent chance of Gandalf being corrupted and turning evil if he uses the Ring to defeat Sauron, that still might be a better chance of success than their preferred strategy of “simply walk into Mordor and hope he doesn’t notice”.

Jude: Somehow I don’t think Gandalf and Elrond were using Bayesian decision theory.

Thomas: One of the many, many things Sam Bankman-Fried has been correctly vilified for is saying that he would accept a huge chance of human extinction as long as, in the unlikely outcome that humans survive, the resulting benefit to them was big enough. But that’s just what Gandalf is advising here!

Jude: If anyone is a crypto bro in this story, it’s got to be Saruman, right? He tries to create his own ring. Maybe the One Ring is really a metaphor for the corrupt power of the traditional financial system. But we’re getting way too far down the rabbit hole on this one, there’s still more quotes for us to cover.

‘You cannot pass,’ he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. ‘I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.’

Jude: We have to mention Gandalf’s famous defiant speech to the balrog on the bridge.

Thomas: This is another instance of Gandalf using profound-seeming babble to make himself seem impressive.

Jude: It’s not babble, he’s talking to the balrog. The balrog knows very well what Udûn is even if no one else present (or the reader) does.

Thomas: If you translate this from the deep Tolkien lore that no reader would have known until The Silmarillion was published after Tolkien’s death, it comes out as: “You cannot pass. I serve God and wield the fire of the sun. You cannot pass. Your black magic won’t work, fire demon from Satan’s original fortress. Go back to your hole. You cannot pass.”

Jude: Good work, you’ve demonstrated why Tolkien is a world-famous author and you are not.

Thomas: I will say it is fun to think that when he says he wields the fire of the sun, Gandalf means his fire magic is a very low-yield version of nuclear fusion.

“At the hill’s foot Frodo found Aragorn, standing still and silent as a tree; but in his hand was a small golden bloom of elanor, and a light was in his eyes. He was wrapped in some fair memory: and as Frodo looked at him he knew that he beheld things as they had been in this same place. For the grim years were removed from the face of Aragorn, and he seemed clothed in white, a young lord fall and fair; and he spoke words in the Elvish tongue to one whom Frodo could not see. Arwen vanimelda, namarie! He said, and then he drew a breath, and returning out of his thought he looked at Frodo and smiled.

`Here is the heart of Elvendom on earth,’ he said, `and here my heart dwells ever, unless there be a light beyond the dark roads that we still must tread, you and I. Come with me!’ And taking Frodo’s hand in his, he left the hill of Cerin Amroth and came there never again as a living man.”

Jude: Here’s an example of the Aragorn/Arwen romance becoming briefly visible during the main part of the story. As he often does, Tolkien leaves the Elvish words untranslated (“Arwen beautiful and beloved, farewell”). Most of this is only intelligible when re-reading the book after having read the Appendix about Aragorn and Arwen and learning this is where Aragorn proposed to Arwen. Other authors intentionally write books with little things for re-readers to catch, but I’m not sure if Tolkien was doing that on purpose.

Thomas: A lot of the Lothlorien material just kind of washes over the reader on a first read, I think, without making a lot of sense. The last part of this quote, however, is a kind of a cheap trick since it makes it seem like Aragorn is going to get killed in the story, but actually it turns out to just mean that after his victory, Aragorn is too busy being King to ever stop by Lothlorien even though he’s king for more than a century and Lothlorien is really not that far away from Minas Tirith.

The Sword of Elendil was forged anew by Elvish smiths, and on its blade was traced a device of seven stars set between the crescent Moon and rayed Sun, and about them was written many runes; for Aragorn son of Arathorn was going to war upon the marches of Mordor. Very bright was that sword when it was made whole again; the light of the sun shone redly in it, and the light of the moon shone cold, its edge was hard and keen. And Aragorn gave it a new name and called it Andúril, Flame of the West.

Thomas: Here’s Tolkien in his heightened, archaic mode. Awkward it is, for John son of Arthur uses not the normal order of words when excited he gets.

Jude: Certainly a little bit of this goes a long way, but in terms of story pacing this is getting the reader excited for the next stage of the journey so I think it’s appropriate.

War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend: the city of the Men of Númenor, and I would have her loved for her memory, her ancientry, her beauty, and her present wisdom. Not feared, save as men may fear the dignity of a man, old and wise.

Jude: Faramir here is stating another crucial theme of Tolkien’s, one that many readers ignore: to fight against evil is necessary, but otherwise it is better not to fight at all. It’s stated as a mark of Gondor’s decline that warriors are esteemed over poets and gardeners.

Thomas: Certainly that’s a big contrast to Dune’s elevation of rugged masculinity. Tolkien saw the horrors of war firsthand (unlike, I believe, Frank Herbert) and knew peaceful life is better. But I’m not sure he succeeded in writing an anti-war book. Certainly Frodo’s pacifist turn during the scouring of the shire comes as a bit of a surprise, I think.

Jude: His views on war are why he made his main characters hobbits instead of characters like Aragorn or even Faramir. But as we talked about last week, ever since he wrote this story, many readers have read Aragorn as the protagonist instead.

Thomas: To some extent he has himself to blame for that. He mostly uses hobbit perspectives, but the kidnapping of the hobbits in Two Towers puts Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli at the forefront of important chapters and even though they reunite with Merry and Pippin and their perspective is used for most of the action in Return of the King, the damage is done. The reader is focused on Aragorn, Theoden, Eomer, and Gandalf with Merry and Pippin being sidecars at best.

‘In one thing you have not changed, dear friend,’ said Aragorn: ‘you still speak in riddles.’

‘What? In riddles?’ said Gandalf. ‘No! For I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to; the long explanations needed by the young are wearying.’

Thomas: This quote is mainly important because it shows Aragorn agrees with me and Saruman. He’s tired of Gandalf’s shtick. He perseveres in pressing Gandalf to explain himself after this and at length Gandalf actually does. The explanation is helpful, not at all too difficult for Aragorn’s tiny mind, and shows Gandalf has no need to be so opaque all the time.

Jude: The colon after the word Aragorn is interesting, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that anywhere else. I think the idea is the colon was in his dialogue but it moved to the other side of the attribution, similar to the way commas are moved in American English.

Thomas: Aragorn’s colon can only move like this without killing him because the blood of Numenor runs true in his veins. You won’t be so lucky. If your colon does this, get immediate medical help.

Thus Aragorn for the first time in the full light of day beheld Éowyn, Lady of Rohan, and thought her fair, fair and cold, like a morning of pale spring that is not yet come to womanhood. And she was now suddenly aware of him: tall heir of kings, wise with many winters, greycloaked, hiding a power that yet she felt. For a moment still as stone she stood, then turning swiftly she was gone.

Jude: Here’s the point that really kicks off what modern readers will expect is a love triangle but no, it’s very much just a love, uh, line segment.

Thomas: “Not yet come to womanhood”. Ouch. Hope Eowyn never reads Frodo and Sam’s book.

Jude: What’s funny about this is that Eowyn wants to be the protagonist in a Twilight-type romance. It turns out she’s 24 at this point whereas Aragorn is a very, very young-looking 88, not too far off from Bella and Edward’s 17 and 104. Except here, Aragorn has the reaction you’d want a comparatively old man to have in this situation: “Um, no, you’re a child.”

Thomas: The joke’s on her. Aragorn also wants to be in a Twilight-style romance, it’s just that he wants to be Bella to Arwen’s Edward. He’s a mere child of 88 years whereas Arwen is (checks notes) over 2,700 years old. Yeah, not a typo. That’s a two thousand six hundred year age gap.

Jude: At least she didn’t meet him in high school. But let’s move on.

Thomas: Wait, I got distracted by the math, but I also wanted to say that these sentences are really not Tolkien’s best work.

Jude: I think they’re better than what you get from the modern writers who try to write like this.

Thomas: Maybe, but “like a morning of pale spring that is not yet come to womanhood” is a mixed metaphor. Mornings don’t become women. Meanwhile we’re rushing from full light of day to morning to spring to winter…it’s too much, man, too much.

Aragorn threw back his cloak. The elven-sheath glittered as he grasped it, and the bright blade of Andúril shone like a sudden flame as he swept it out. 'Elendil!' he cried. 'I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and am called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dúnadan, the heir of Isildur Elendil's son of Gondor. Here is the Sword that was Broken and is forged again! Will you aid me or thwart me? Choose swiftly!

Jude: On its own, this one looks quite ridiculous, but in the context of an the uneasy first meeting with Eomer, after several pages where Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Eomer are cautiously sparring with guarded words, it’s very fun and cathartic.

Thomas: Aragorn thinks he has more names than a character in a Russian novel. Fortunately no one really ever calls him Elfstone. And though I agree it’s a cool moment overall, it’s just confusing to shout “Elendil” in Eomer’s face just because he’s drawing his sword. You’re about to list so many names, but then you start out with one that’s not even yours, it’s your great-great-great—I don’t how many, but lots of greats—grandfather.

‘Halflings! But they are only a little people in old songs and children’s tales out of the North. Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?’

‘A man may do both,’ said Aragorn. ‘For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!’

Jude: From the same conversation, Aragorn gets to show off his own wisdom as he dunks on one of Eomer’s men. Hopefully you agree this one passes muster as actually wise.

Thomas: I’ll allow it, though of course if he didn’t have the misfortune to be a bit character in a fantasy novel, Eomer’s friend would be the one who was right. Things only mentioned in old children’s stories don’t exist.

‘But I have been too deeply hurt, Sam. I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them.’

Jude: This is Frodo at the end of the story. Surely this one checks out.

Thomas: The less exalted the character, the wiser their profundities are. This is a pretty straightforward, but beautifully phrased, description of soldiers giving their lives to protect those at home.

Jude: This one makes me wonder how much Tolkien himself identified with Frodo, given the trauma he must have experienced at war as a young man. But at minimum it certainly applies to his friends who died fighting in France.

Thomas: Not to be cruel, but I can’t help noting that, at least for British soldiers, giving up their lives so others may keep them makes a lot more sense in the second world war than the first. It’s not at all clear the terrible losses of the first world war helped anyone keep anything, at least on the Western front.

The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it's no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won't come.

Jude: This is the kind of cheerful, inspirational material that makes the Mordor section of the book such a joy to read.

Thomas: By Frodo’s standards in this part of the book, this is a lighthearted joke. It sounds despairing, the big sin for Tolkien, but in context, Frodo’s saying they’ll just forge ahead and ignore the fact they don’t have enough water to be able to drink anything tomorrow. Since they’re still moving forward, it’s not truly despair. 

‘A time may come soon,’ said he, ‘when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.’

She answered: ‘All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.’

‘What do you fear, lady?’ he asked.

‘A cage,’ she said. ‘To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.’

Jude: Eowyn gives at least as good as she gets here, I think, as she does in the larger conversation about why she needs to stay with the people while the army is away.

Thomas: She’s not exactly a feminist icon, but her dialogue here really holds up well. If it wasn’t for the somewhat elevated register they speak in, these could be lines from a modern fantasy novel.

Jude: We’ll cover the role of women in the story in much more detail later, but with Eowyn it’s important to remember Tolkien’s view that being a warrior is not a good aspiration for anyone, male or female. Eowyn’s courage is praiseworthy but her fixation on glory is misguided not just for her but for anyone.

I stand in Minas Anor, the Tower of the Sun; and behold! the Shadow has departed! I will be a Shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.

Jude: Here’s Eowyn after her transformation. It’s probably hard for a lot of people to accept since it feels like she’s going from challenging gender roles to accepting them, but again Tolkien approves of this for everyone. Sam, after all, is a gardener himself. Faramir undergoes a similar transition.

Thomas: It’s amusing though that this is her answer to Faramir’s marriage proposal. And she says a lot of words here, but none of them are “yes”. He has to ask again, basically, and she never is shown saying yes, though of course it’s implied. Then, later, the guy running the hospital where she’s been treated for depression releases her “to the care of the Steward of the City”—Faramir—but she refuses to leave and claims now she wants to live in the hospital until her brother gets back. Faramir, buddy, I don’t think she’s into you.

Jude: The whole Eowyn/Faramir whirlwind romance is…not the strongest part of the book.

But Sam turned to Bywater, and so came back up the Hill, as day was ending once more. And he went on, and there was yellow light, and fire within; and the evening meal was ready, and he was expected. And Rose drew him in, and set him in his chair, and put little Elanor upon his lap.

He drew a deep breath. “Well, I’m back,” he said.

Jude: These are the last lines of the book, unless you count the appendices. I think it’s mainly noticeable that it’s the only real domestic scene in the whole thing. Maybe in all of Tolkien’s work? A mother, a father, a baby.

Thomas: Just some last minute family values. But why shouldn’t we count the appendices? Let’s see the real last sentence in the book.

It must be observed, however, that when the Oldbucks (Zaragamba) changed their name to Brandybuck (Brandagamba), the first element meant “borderland”, and Marchbuck would have been nearer. Only a very bold hobbit would have ventured to call the Master of Buckland Braldagamba in his hearing.

Thomas: With these immortal words ends one of the great novels of modern English literature.

Jude: The last appendix before the index is written by Tolkien in the first person describing how he “translated” the words from the “original text”. It’s a very, very Tolkien thing, obviously.

Thomas: It’s actually kind of brilliant. After reading thousands of pages of this story and plowing through vast stretches of twee hobbits and legendary warriors, Tolkien is like, oh, by the way, I was lying to you about all the names. Samwise Gamgee? His real name was—no kidding—Banazîr Galpsi. Merry Brandybuck’s real name was Kalimac Brandagamba. Obviously. Frodo Baggins? More like Maura Labingi. Even the Shire’s real name was the much more Persian-sounding Sûza. All the names have such texture, and they all turn out to be lies.

Jude: He explains he intentionally changed the names precisely to have the effect on the native English speaker that they would have had to a native speaker of the in-story language of Westron.

Thomas: Since we’re at the end of this article I’m going to admit that even though Jude’s name has been rendered as “Jude” so as to be something your pitiful English-speaking mind can grasp, whenever I say his name I’m actually using our native language, a language in which names are typically rendered as a series of seventeen varied glottal stops followed by—

Jude: Sorry, that’s all the time we have for today! Next time we’ll look at quotes from Dune and see how Herbert’s style of profundity differs from Tolkien’s.